It's Not All Moonlight and Roses

When I left for this adventure I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. There were so many unknowns and I felt like I was going into this experience blindly, putting my trust in the Lord. I don't think I ever could have anticipated just how hard this would be. I'll be the first to admit this was foolish of me. I guess I just figured that the months leading up to my departure were filled with so many challenges that I figured everything would go smoothly once I finally got here.

Well, let me tell you a little secret in case I've fooled you all into thinking my life these past few months has been paved with gold: it's not all moonlight and roses. This has been one of the craziest roller coaster rides I've ever been on, complete with highs and then a huge drop down, followed by a steep climb back uphill. I can honestly say this experience has stretched me and I've experienced pure bliss, been utterly humbled, felt absolutely helpless, and of course have learned a ton about myself, my public health field, and my Savior. I truly am so so blessed and I know the Lord has held my hand through this entire journey, guiding me safely where He would have me go. I have experienced so many frustrations and fought back several tears with my work here. I've struggled with not being taken seriously, my coworkers thinking "I was just some dumb 18 year old that didn't know what I was doing", being yelled at and reprimanded for things I had no control over, and dealing with the frustrations of differences in culture and language barriers. All this has just been greater motivation for me to work hard and prove them all wrong.

Last Friday my supervisor informed me on Friday at 5:30 pm that I would be going to the province Pursat to work this week. She sent an email to the staff there at that time letting them know I was coming (like they'd get the email over the weekend...) and told me to have my family I live with help me buy a bus ticket to get there. So Monday morning I was off to Pursat. I didn't know it, but this bus was actually going to Battambong, stopping in Pursat along the way to eat. Luckily, I felt the prompting to ask where we were. (Like I said, He's been there at all times.) So I asked the driver but of course he didn't know what I was saying. I asked if we were in Pursat. He responded by acting out that we were eating here. But I finally figured out that we actually were in Pursat, so I got my bags and crossed the street to the bus stop in search of a moto taxi. So grateful I didn't end up all the way in Battambong. Usually I can't escape the constant harassment of moto drivers trying to get me to hire them to drive me around. But of course when you actually need something, it's never there. I finally found someone, but he had no idea what I was talking about when I told him the name of my hotel. I finally got to my hotel at noon.

Well Pursat is a horribly run down city with nothing to do, so i went to get lunch at the hotel restaurant. When I came back to my room, it was in complete disarray; chairs were strewn all over and there was trash everywhere. I FREAKED out and ran to make sure nothing was missing from my bag. Turns out they'd just come in and replaced the tv. So that afternoon I met up with Sophal, who I was supposed to be working with. Well like I was afraid, she already had a bunch of trainings planned for the week and wasn't able to work with me all week. she told me I should have given her more notice and didn't think I should be here. Great. But of course I just have to take the blame. I think that has been one of the hardest parts about all of this is that I have no outlet; no one to go crying to who will understand what I'm going through, let alone understand what I'm saying.

The next day I went out to some villages with Daleak who speaks no English. We went out on a moto. Now I don't know what it is, but I have been so nauseas all week. Let me tell you that driving on the back of a little 110 moped an hour each way down pot holed dirt roads does not mix well with an unsettled stomach. That night when I got back to the hotel I wanted to go the market to buy some fruit. I tried asking people but no one was any help and I could not find a moto for the life of me. I was so frustrated and felt at my wit's end, when a guy came up to me as I was looking completely lost out on the street and said, "you are trying to go to the market?" Yes! He said he would take me. I asked how much and he said nothing. So he took me to a market and came in with me and helped me buy some fruit and even bargained to get me a good price. He took me back to the hotel and would not let me pay him. He was my angel that night.

The next night after work I was feeling so sick and desperately trying to find a printer because I had my Masters Project Proposal Meeting with my grad committee scheduled for that night and needed to print out the documents I needed for that. I asked at the front desk, but of course they were no help. They told me there was a place behind the new hotel. I could take a moto outside. (Well I knew from my previous experiences I wouldn't be able to find a moto.) I asked if I could walk. He said yes to go this way and right and street one and a bunch of other stuff that made no sense. I kept trying to understand and could make no sense of what he was trying to tell me. So I just headed out on my own. I walked down several streets and would up at a hotel. (I have no idea what the "new" hotel was he was referring to was) and they looked at me like I was crazy and just when I was about to break down yet again, someone understood what I was looking for and walked me in the direction of the print shop. Thank you!!

So I got my paperwork all ready, and at 9 pm when my skype meeting was scheduled, I went to log into skype and of course the wireless internet at the hotel quit working right then. (It had worked flawlessly all week up until this very moment). I frantically kept trying to reconnect and said a prayer and luckily had the internet was back up in ten minutes. Well, for those of you that have not experienced a proposal meeting with your grad committee, it definitely is not a bed of roses. You know when one of the committee members begins his comments with "now Brittany, you know all the criticism we give you is for your benefit to help you, right?" to buck up because this is not going to be pretty. Well 2 hours later of the internet going in and out, feeling nauseas, and getting grilled by my committee, I finally got the approval from my committee to proceed with my grad project. Yay! So now I'm all set. Well, kind of. Now I have to hope everything works out these next few weeks with my data collection.

Today was another day out in the villages. Today we took an awesome old Cruiser out. I would normally have thoroughly enjoyed this drive through beautiful scenery down huge pot holed dirt roads, but my nauseas stomach did not appreciate this too much. But good news is, I survived! I got back to my hotel so exhausted only to find that they had lost my room key. I immediately began thinking the worst and worrying about all my things. (Here, they make you turn in the room key at the front desk when you leave the hotel.) Turns out that maid had just locked the key in the room. And all of my stuff is still there.

Well it's been a long week here in Pursat where I've felt completely alone and helpless with virtually no one speaking English. But I am hanging in there, trying to stay positive, and staying close to Heavenly Father and looking for His blessings surrounding me.